04/07/15-Turkey: In and out of my clothes for swimming and sunning and drinking. Putting on the sun tanning cream, after-sun lotion and checking out my tan lines in the hotel bedroom mirrors!
More attention than usual, I’m paying to my body and I notice a very subtle change to my left nipple.
“Hey, Steve?” Shouts I to my ex, whom I’m holidaying with as mates. “Think I’ve got breast cancer, my nipples inverting!”
“Don’t say that!” Replies he, appalled by my sick sense of humour.
“I’m only kidding, think my bra’s too tight…got too fat and squashed my boobs!”
30/07/15-My bedroom: My nipple had continued to subtly misbehave and refuse to bounce back on release from my bra so I carried out a clumsy breast check finding what felt like a rigid patch of tissue lying just below the surface of my skin above my left nipple, about the length of a plum…
01/08/15-Weston-Super-Mare: Visiting my closest and longest standing friend for an extended weekend. I asked her what she thought as the change to my breast was still pretty subtle, at a glance-GP for a check up came the sensible advice!
All weekend, I joked about cancer and funerals and life assurance and breastlessness and chemo- I had to try it on for size, had to feel the weight of the words as they formed in my mouth and hear them as they tumbled out around me almost uncontrollably, each new day. All the while, my beautiful friend struggling with the dark edge of my tongue, refusing to believe that this could be real!
And in a quiet and contemplative moment, “I love life Luce, I really love life!” Bursts up, from the bottom of my aching heart.
“I know.” Says she softly, as we drive through the beautiful country lanes, under bright blue skies in the warmth of the summer sunshine, to Glastonbury, for our lunch.