October 19th 2015-“Love You Nodes”

19/10/15-Out Walking: So…in attempt to avoid getting on with any real research work for my course-I decide to take advantage of this beautiful Autumn sunshine and put my ‘two weeks today’ mastectomy recovery status to the test by going for a walk. It is one of my favourite walks just shy of five miles, mostly on the flat and definitely not the prettiest of routes to the untrained eye but to me it is perfect!

It’s a walk that snakes the outskirts of the village in which I live as well as taking in the edge of the neighbouring one too. Although not in the midst of the countryside, I pass no less than three horse paddocks on my way round and towards the end of summer there is always the pungent aroma of cow pooh to accompany me!

It’s while out walking that I do my thinking. Sort through the clutter that has accumulated in the junk room in my head. Stuff I’ve clearly thought ‘hmm…that’ll be useful at some point’ and ‘must hold on to that’ and then shoved into all manner of boxes and bags, to await filing later.

Over the weekend, following my mixed results I have understandably had some mixed emotions. The confirmation of my cancer being stage 3a combined with potentially three lymph nodes being affected ruling me out of the clinical trial, has weighed heavy in my heart and litters my already cluttered mind.

By the time I have passed my second paddock just over half way through my walk I have reorganised the thoughts in my head, chucking out any that were simply unhelpful and moving those marked ‘Useful’ to within easy reach! I am feeling alive and invigorated and thankful for both.

In order to check the time it is taking me to do this walk post surgery I remove my phone from my rear pocket where it is patiently waiting ready to vibrate the moment my consultant’s call comes in.

One missed call and one voice mail!!!

Lazy, work shy mobile. One task this morning you had, just one tiny task and you couldn’t even be bothered to do me a little buzz…it’s either that or my fat ass is a much fatter ass than I had hither to given it credit for and as such hadn’t even registered my vibrating consultant!

I stop.
I press and hold no.1 on my dial pad.
I listen…Woohoo!!!
Consultant No.3: No third lymph node has been found. We can now continue on with plan A. The trial nurse will be in touch.

I share my good news as quickly as I can with those who have shared the weight of the waiting with me.

“Okay then, bye bye!” Says mum after I have attempted to explain what I think this all means. “Love you, love you nodes!” adds she with a twinkle and that’s pretty sharp for a seventy year old!

And just like that I’m back in the game!

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