December 12th 2015-The Graveyard Shift

12/12/15-Bed: I’ve finally given up on sleep. It’s 4am. The Graveyard shift.
I sit here with my laptop, a steaming bowl of honey drizzled porridge and a mug of black tea and apart from not being able to sleep and constant nausea I feel pretty much the best I’ve felt since my first chemo infusion two days ago.

I have nothing other than my next steroid pills to be up for in the morning so if I’m awake for a few hours now it doesn’t really matter, no worries, no pressure, no stress. Just be. Sleep later.

So not for the first time on my journey does my mind turn to those hundreds of thousands of women out there beyond my room, beyond my town, beyond the sea that surrounds my country who are going through this nightmare with dependant children in tow.

Those who have help and support from partners and family and those who do not.

How the hell do you do this? Really, how do you get through?

I have no one needing me to get up early to feed them, change them, dress them for school, brush their hair, pack their lunch…reassure them with a smile…just be not ill.

I have the absolute luxury of being free to nurture and nurse myself through this awful time in whatever way my body needs me to.

My heart, my total admiration goes out to you amazing women wherever you are.

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