January 8th 2016-Cravings

08/01/16: Back in bed!-After a few days of getting up and around the house, getting out and about for short walks, getting back my head and body, I suddenly find myself experiencing a new phenomenon- fatigue relapse!

So following what appeared to be an alert and sparky 6am start, by 10am I have to concede I have absolutely no energy to get out of bed and so in bed I stay.

I wait-hoping it will pass.
I wait all afternoon-hoping it will pass.
I wait all evening- hoping it will pass but it doesn’t pass-not one bit!

All the things I had planned for my day, I simply just cannot do!

No changing of bed sheets, no loading of laundry, no washing of pots!

Yes indeed!

It’s quite true- you doubting Thomases.

Today I had planned upon becoming a vision of domesticity! And in a life limited by chemotherapy let me tell you, even the mundanity of a humble domestic chore becomes a welcome friend!

So…no head fluff shaving, no showering, no changing of PJs even- nothing!

I feel okay in myself though so I don’t mind this physical set back, really.
I catch up on a series I’ve missed and the day drifts on with relative ease.

Accompanying the recovery from my second chemotherapy cocktail, have been certain food aversions mostly similar to those of my first. I also continue to experience food cravings- the crisps and crusty rolls of chemo one remain, though gone is my passion for cheese, replaced now by my new crush- bacon!

Lots of!!!

Nothing weird about bacon except for the fact that I rarely eat bacon. Perhaps once every three or four months when I stay at my friend’s or when my son comes to visit.

To be honest I’m not really much of a meat eater at all. My diet comprises mostly vegetarian options, though I’m very partial to fish, salmon in particular and more so now than ever before.

This week I’ve been stuffing down bacon butties like my life depends upon it.

Around teatime however I begin to develop the most full on, unwavering craving for another meat based product that I never eat- Yup!!! McDonalds???

So urgent becomes this yearning, so all consuming that I feel unable to stop myself from abusing my wonderful support services and I find myself tapping out an SOS in search of help!

First I try my brother, he’ll be heading home from work soon, already out and about so I’m calculating maybe it won’t be too much of an imposition?

His response arrives prompt and positive- he’ll be home in around an hour and a half with said object of my affection!


An hour and a half!- that’s just not going to cut it, my stomach’s longing will not be denied a moment longer than necessary and as such it prods me into further action.

so prefaced with grovelling apology for what I, though not my stomach, perceive to be such an abominable request, I retype my mayday message and fire it off once more, this time in the direction of my mother.

It’s dark and miserable outside already and I know that she will be settling in for the evening now…and I really don’t want to disturb her…and it is such an imposition…but without judgement or hesitation my marvellous mother springs into paramedic action and within 20 minutes has airlifted the badly needed emergency medical supplies of a large (oh the shame of it) Big Mac meal and like a tiny little modern miracle, drops it off in the current centre of my universe- aka, my bed!

Three minutes pass.

I sit in my jamas, in my bed.
I sit, ketchup smeared on my cheek, bits of onion, and limp lettuce strewn across my front, trademark boxes and cartons littering my duvet and I have absolutely no idea what the object of my most recent affection even tasted like!

I sit in my jamas, in my bed.
I sit, indigestion bulging behind my breastbone, heartburn scaling and scorching the walls of my chemo damaged gullet-my stomach satiated.

I look around surveying the fast food detritus.
I look around shaking my bemused and amazed head and rolling my disbelieving eyes.

Flash forward to a future where I’ve grown so rotund that I’m having to be crane lifted out of my bed for my hospital appointments, like the folk in the documentaries where no one can understand how they ever got to be so fat!

I think I know the reason now-they were clearly all on the chemo steroid diet!!!


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